Hanna Kaszewska's Strategy of Repetition
I keep repeating things and I keep repeating myself. It is not my objective to make people feel bad, but I do worry I keep spreading negativity around me.
To hear my fears are understandable is more than enough.
To hear it is impossible to feel anything else,
in this place and at this time,
There is a compulsivity in my repetitions, but there is planning involved as well.
I find my symbols and I keep drawing them over and over again.
I find my words and I rewrite them hundreds of times.
I make up stories in my mind and tell them and retell them to myself.
These actions are necessary, almost involuntary, but their content was carefully chosen. The decisions were made.
The process of elimination is, in fact, ongoing.
To some things I do not go back anymore.
Or I discover new emblems to work with and, for the short few moments, they are becoming my entire world.
I was never one to turn to religion, but perhaps that is exactly what prayer is for those who believe in such things.
Then again, maybe it is a matter of familiarity.
If familiar equals safe then going back is the only reasonable option.
Except it is not.
It is quite obvious, it is not.
But I keep repeating things.
And I keep repeating myself.